I lived across from a small playground until I was about eleven years old. A swath of green grass around the neat rectangle of red dust and loose rocks. A blue slide and pale blue IMP swings with thick metal chains.
…and it got me thinking of so many ‘alone ‘ experiences …too many to number. , and some of them were times of being among a number of people! We can have the alone experience in a crowded room …inner fear goes hand in hand with ‘alone’. I believe it will shadows us until our last breath .
This is not the most profound thing to say, and I know they, too, were only children, but I want to go back in time and scare the living daylights out of those boys with a crowbar. I just want to reassure everyone that this is really something I would ever really do. It’s just what came to mind first.
These memories always break my heart for you - and in the larger context - I always mourn, that especially as women, we are forced to learn early that alone and safe often can’t exist in the same space
I felt that aloneness throughout my adolescence and teens and into my young adult-hood. Magnified, perhaps by the high-demand religion in which I was raised, I did not feel secure in my personhood until safely married (luckily) to a wonderful man. Now that he's dead, I feel that strange, unmoored aloneness again. I don't like that I feel as though I lost my better half and anchor; shouldn't I be a whole person all on my own--especially now that I am middle-aged? He saw me as a whole person, why can't I see myself as one? Why can't others? Moving through the world without his large--and to others--intimidating presence leaves me vulnerable to comments from strangers telling me I should smile more or that I'd look younger if I colored my hair--things that didn't happen when my existence was validated by his strong presence.
I love being alone in public! As for what that beings out in people, the strangest thing that happened to me I actually wrote about on here. I made friends with a security guard inside a dilapidated store I used to frequent, and he invited me inside that carcass of a store. Here’s a link to the essay, should you feel inclined to read it: https://www.practicespace.blog/p/no-16-on-talking-with-strangers
I loved this and hated it all at once. As Nan said, often the loneliness experience exists even in roomful of friends. Aging creates its own loneliness I am finding ❤️
I loved this , 💞
…and it got me thinking of so many ‘alone ‘ experiences …too many to number. , and some of them were times of being among a number of people! We can have the alone experience in a crowded room …inner fear goes hand in hand with ‘alone’. I believe it will shadows us until our last breath .
This was so beautiful to read. Thank you my love 🤍
This is not the most profound thing to say, and I know they, too, were only children, but I want to go back in time and scare the living daylights out of those boys with a crowbar. I just want to reassure everyone that this is really something I would ever really do. It’s just what came to mind first.
I would accept
This whole heartedly! They scared me haha
These memories always break my heart for you - and in the larger context - I always mourn, that especially as women, we are forced to learn early that alone and safe often can’t exist in the same space
Love you always
I felt that aloneness throughout my adolescence and teens and into my young adult-hood. Magnified, perhaps by the high-demand religion in which I was raised, I did not feel secure in my personhood until safely married (luckily) to a wonderful man. Now that he's dead, I feel that strange, unmoored aloneness again. I don't like that I feel as though I lost my better half and anchor; shouldn't I be a whole person all on my own--especially now that I am middle-aged? He saw me as a whole person, why can't I see myself as one? Why can't others? Moving through the world without his large--and to others--intimidating presence leaves me vulnerable to comments from strangers telling me I should smile more or that I'd look younger if I colored my hair--things that didn't happen when my existence was validated by his strong presence.
Wow I really feel this. Thank you for writing. 💌
I love being alone in public! As for what that beings out in people, the strangest thing that happened to me I actually wrote about on here. I made friends with a security guard inside a dilapidated store I used to frequent, and he invited me inside that carcass of a store. Here’s a link to the essay, should you feel inclined to read it: https://www.practicespace.blog/p/no-16-on-talking-with-strangers
I loved this and hated it all at once. As Nan said, often the loneliness experience exists even in roomful of friends. Aging creates its own loneliness I am finding ❤️
It’s so true. The different times and shades of loneliness 🤍